It’s 4:30am, my alarm beeps, but I don't mind. I’m not sleeping anyway. I wash my face and stare in the mirror. It’s back!
The darkness decided to visit me again this morning. It probably came for me while I was sleeping. That explains the nightmares and why my body was covered in sweat. I thought I was strong enough, I thought I could resist it. The truth is, that’s just a lie I tell myself. I like it when the darkness comes. I love it!
Through the mirror I stare into eyes of pain, and I smile. Not out of pleasure, but acknowledgment: “I see you!” I swear I can see it smile back. The darkness has grown rather fond of me. It’s because I give it my all. It devours me with delight. It sucks life out of me like some sadistic vampire feeding on the flesh of a worthy sacrifice. I tilt my head and expose my neck to the darkness. It’s yours. Enjoy.
If I had family or friends, it would devour them through me... or would I devour them... using it? But I don’t, I don’t need friends or family. I have the darkness, and today, it has me. All of me.
That darkness, is what feeds me today!.....I have stared in the same mirror many times, but nothing was staring back at me but an empty shell, of a person, that I used to know.
ReplyDeleteThese last few days, darkness combined with a sprinkle of sadness has been feeding me. I understand this post better then I want and that scares me.
Peace
JB
The post terrifies me more because I know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDelete"I don't want to be insignificant and I don't know how to do the same things different now"
xoxo
Amanda Grace
nice! very nice!!
ReplyDeleteIt only takes the dimmest light to outshine the darkest shadow. The darkness is only where the light isn't. Embrace the light that you possess, for it is impossible to ever lose it or have it taken away... we only forget how to switch it on.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I enjoyed it! I'll be back!
ReplyDeleteNick James
Onward Bound
thanks for stopping by my blog :) I do believe I'll be popping over here from time to time. Keep writing .. it's a wonderful self-therapy
ReplyDeleteDivi
Waouh, nown I'm afraid.
ReplyDeleteLove your post and the naked truth inside it