me again

Consume my soul for a little while. Break my heart just a little more. Remove the breath from my lungs and banish the smile from my lips... I beg you.

Someday I’ll try to be strong. Not today. Today is a day to indulge you... my sin. I won’t fight you this time. I’ll give up so you can take over. Do with me as you please, and I’ll smile for you. When the whole world goes to hell, I’ll smile for you. When I choke on the dust while I’m broken on the ground. When you fill my soul with pain and my thoughts with hatred. When you push everyone out of my life and leave me with no one... I'll still smile for you.

You crave to tear my life apart... you want me to die. But I won’t die for you! Stare into my eyes if you dare... and I’ll smile for you.

don’t look at me

You think you understand, but you have no idea. You think you know me, but you never can. The pain I bleed won’t stain your hands. If you see a dim flickering light shining out of me, just look away, you’re not supposed to see. But take heart... it will fade eventually.

Please don’t look at me.

With black tar of despair and bricks of pain, I build a wall to cover my shame. The light that was, will be no more… all in the hope of surviving the world once more. My strength, my pride and yes my pain will never again see the light of day. What I was and what I should be will be locked away for all eternity.

Just don’t look at me.

I gather all my misery and wrap it round the wall. Broken glass and razor wire covers the wall now destroying my soul. If you try to help you’ll surely fall. Don’t come closer, I’m not well, I’ll rip you apart… I’ll give you hell! Can’t you see it’s too late for me? Now go away and let me be...

And don't you dare look at me!

all of me

It’s 4:30am, my alarm beeps, but I don't mind. I’m not sleeping anyway. I wash my face and stare in the mirror. It’s back!

The darkness decided to visit me again this morning. It probably came for me while I was sleeping. That explains the nightmares and why my body was covered in sweat. I thought I was strong enough, I thought I could resist it. The truth is, that’s just a lie I tell myself. I like it when the darkness comes. I love it!

Through the mirror I stare into eyes of pain, and I smile. Not out of pleasure, but acknowledgment: “I see you!” I swear I can see it smile back. The darkness has grown rather fond of me. It’s because I give it my all. It devours me with delight. It sucks life out of me like some sadistic vampire feeding on the flesh of a worthy sacrifice. I tilt my head and expose my neck to the darkness. It’s yours. Enjoy.

If I had family or friends, it would devour them through me... or would I devour them... using it? But I don’t, I don’t need friends or family. I have the darkness, and today, it has me. All of me.