Little by little

“Please don’t do this!” She begs him, but he doesn’t listen. He never does. His fist smashes into her cheek. Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? She stays on the ground. If she gets up, he’ll just put her down again. She swallows a mouthful of blood. As he walks away she whispers “Louis… how did you turn into this monster?” He stops cold. He heard her whispers. She’s going to regret she said that. He turns around with evil in his eyes and walks over to her body…

*********

In another time and place, an alarms beeps at the crack of dawn. A little boy quickly stops the alarm. He doesn’t want to wake his parents. It’s Mother’s Day and he’s going to attempt to give his parents breakfast in bed. He smiles as he shuffles to the kitchen. He can already see his mother’s smile when he walks in there with a tray filled with goodies. Softly he taps an egg against the side of the pan. His mother does it so easily, but it doesn’t want to break when he does it. He taps a bit harder and the egg starts to crack. He forces his thumbs into the crack and pries it open spilling some on the stove. The next three eggs go a bit easier, but he still has to fish out the bits of egg shell from the pan.

He places some bread in the toaster and turns on the kettle. It’s going better than he expected. He adds some coffee, milk and lots of sugar into two cups. With his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, he picks up the kettle and carefully pours boiling water into the cups. When everything is ready he picks up the tray and walks carefully to his parents’ bedroom. When he pushes the door open his mother greets him with a smile. It’s more beautiful than he pictured it. He walks over with his little chest sticking out and hands her the tray. She smiles, gives him a kiss and whispers “I love you, Louis…”

___________


How did the boy become the man… the monster? Little by little… without him realizing it. We don’t understand the impact our thoughts, actions and words have on us over the years. Little by little we accumulate pieces of who we are. I believe there’s a (potential) monster in each of us screaming to take over. When you shun someone, you might pick up a piece of you. A piece you don’t want.

I believe we all have a (potential) angel inside us. You might see someone who’s a bit down. You don’t know them that well and don’t really want to go talk to them. Do it anyway! It might seem insignificant; but it makes up who you are. It’s a small step on a journey that’ll blow you away.

Make sure you love who you are. Pick up all the right pieces!

Keep knocking

A little boy sits beside his mother’s bed. He holds her hand as she fades away. She gathers the last bit of her strength. “My baby, no matter what happens to you, always remember how special you are.” Slowly she lets go of his hand. She’s gone. The boy’s life fades to darkness...

***

His mother had arranged for him to live with a distant uncle. He’d never met this uncle, but no one else wanted him. In fact, his mother had to plead with the man to take him in. Reluctantly he agreed. Although the boy was only 7 years old, he understood how unwanted he was when he walked into his new home. Sadly, this would never be a home for the boy. As the weeks passed on, the uncle’s contempt for the boy grew stronger. He didn’t hide his feelings. The boy felt guilty each time they had supper. He felt like he was stealing from his uncle. He ate as little as he could, trying to impose as little as possible. He wished he could take care of himself; he didn’t want to be a burden on anyone.

A few months after his mother’s death, a lady came to visit. She was there to take him away. His uncle didn’t want him anymore. He went to stay at a place with 17 other children. He was even less wanted there. He was a burden to this world! Everyone just wanted to throw him in the trash, but they had to pretend his life meant something. They had to pretend saving the boy was important.

By the time he reached the tender age of 9 he couldn’t stand it anymore. Each time he looked into their eyes, he felt unloved. They desperately didn’t want him. As darkness fell he slipped out of the house and started running down the street. Through his tears he promised himself to never again be a burden on anyone. He found a spot under a bridge to stay for the night. He thought back to his mother, about what she said before she died. Did she really mean it? Did she just want to make him feel good for the last time in his life? Was he really special? If so, why was she the only one who saw it? Was there anyone else in this world who would want him? As these thoughts raced through his mind, the little boy’s heart filled with anger. Why did she tell him he was special? Why didn’t she tell him the truth?

***

A few days later and the little boy’s stomach shoots with hunger pains. He desperately wants something to eat, but he doesn’t want to impose on anyone. He doesn’t want to look into someone’s eyes again and see what a burden he is. He has no choice. Somewhere deep inside him, he wants to believe someone wants him. He needs to believe he can belong somewhere. He walks down the road, spots a house that looks homely, and knocks on the door.

A week later the boy’s frail body is found under the bridge, starved to death.


_______________________


If the boy knocked on your door, would the story have ended differently? Do we make people feel wanted? Do we make people feel like they belong somewhere? Do we make people feel loved and appreciated?

If you feel like that little boy today, please don’t stop knocking. There is a place where you belong. You are special! I will open if you knock.

Alex

You are one of the best photographers in the world. Hiding in a canopy you take pictures of a lioness giving birth. Your pictures capture the utter beauty and grace of this moment. You can’t help forming an attachment to the lioness and her new cub. A few days later the malnourished mother tries to hunt. She’s exhausted, but it she doesn’t eat, her little cub will die. She chases after a zebra. As she jumps to attack the zebra, it kicks in defence. Staring through your lens, you capture a magnificently painful moment in time.

You want to leave. You want to get away from the tragedy. But you know the story isn’t complete until the cub dies. Now you have to go back to the little defenceless cub, watch it die without its mother… and take pictures.

The little cub rolls around in the dust, crying from hunger and loneliness. Its little lungs pierce the darkness and your heart. It’s crying to its mother. Your heart grows weaker still as you watch the cub drift away in agony. You take your last photo and drive away. You don’t want to be here when it dies.

You’re rolling around in your bed. Your photographs haunt you. You can almost hear its little cry for help. It’s probably dead by now, but it might still be crying. You jump up, grab some milk and drive off. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you can’t sit and do nothing. It’s barely alive when you get there. You manage to get some milk into its dry throat.

Three days later the little cub plays with your shoe laces. You can’t help but smile, and steal a few photos for your private collection. You have to give the cub away. It’s a wild animal; you can’t take care of it. When it grows up, you won’t be able to control it. But for now, you just want to enjoy playing with it.

A friend of yours is a vet, so you take little Alex to get inoculated. He warns you sternly to give the cub away, but you can’t. You won’t. Little Alex will be your little secret…

Since you took her in until the day she was shot, people warned you to give her away. But you held on too tightly. You saw the signs, but you couldn’t let go. When she was two years old she ripped your sofa to shreds and growled ferociously at you. You just gave her a huge chunk of meat to calm her down. Your life became terribly difficult, your photography suffered beyond repair. Yet, when Alex behaved, when you held her tight, you felt safe and secure. In the end, she was all that mattered to you. Even while she killed you, you only wanted her.

_____________________


The lion is anger, it’s lust, it’s jealousy and even fear. At first, it might seem innocent, small and harmless. You want to indulge… just a bit. You want to feed it… just a little. But if you feed it too much… it will tear you apart. There might be a time to indulge, to save the cub from dying. But then you must give it away. When it grows up, you won’t be able to control it. Give it to someone who knows how to take care of it.

If you are angry, if you feed that anger too much, it will mature into hatred. If you feed that hatred, it will devour you.

I beg you, don’t allow wild animals into your heart.

Choose life

You had that dream again. The one where you fall. This time it really freaked you out! After you open your eyes your body hits the ground. Yip, after! You stare up at the underside of your bed. Your first thought is that it’s dusty. Your second though –which followed rather quickly- is that you need to see a shrink if your first thought after falling through your bed is… “It’s dusty”!

You’ve always been one of the cleverest bloggers in all the lands, so you quickly figure out what’s going on. You’re in the matrix! By the way, do you have the number of a good shrink? Anyway, you go outside to test your theory. This should be good! You think about Animatrix, and that guy who ran the 100m in 7 seconds. So you start running as fast as you can. It honestly doesn’t seem that fast. Maybe the machines fixed that bug after they watched Animatrix. Then you realize you were asleep when it happened. Perhaps you need to let your mind go (if you still have it). While running, you close your eyes and throw off all the shackles of this world. Could it actually be working? You feel like you’re running faster and faster each second. It feels amazing… until you run flat into a wall. Figures!

When you regain consciousness, you’re greeted with hysterical laughter. Your head is throbbing and you’re well embarrassed. But you need to know if it worked “Was I going really fast?” They burst out in newly invigorating laughter. You get up, dust yourself off and walk away from your most embarrassing moment to date. “I didn’t really get hurt? I ran into a wall… at really high speed!” Your eyebrows rise in tow as you say really. “I should be in the hospital now. This might not be the matrix, but there’s something special about me today.”

You drive down to the coast. You’re going to settle this one way or another. You’re searching for a huge vertical cliff next to the ocean. You’re going to jump off. Yip! The scary thing is, you’ve actually thought about this… and yet you’re still doing it. You stop the car, jump out and just start running. You’ve found what you’re looking for. There’s no stopping you now. You run as fast as you can. This time it looks rather impressive. You’re fast. Actually you look damn impressive! Especially for someone who ran into a wall not too long ago. You’re running so fast it seems your clothes can’t keep up with you. You exhale a peaceful breath as you take your final step. As your foot thrusts off the edge you close your eyes and spread your arms. Not too far away there’s a bystander witnessing the most surreal scene. It seems you’re gliding through the air as your body tilts backwards. From a distance you’re slowly moving further and further away from the cliff, and higher into the sky. It seems like some hidden force gently embraces you as your body comes to a standstill. In mid-air!

It’s like heaven has a tractor beam holding you in thin air. The sun pierces the clouds to line your body with a gentle golden glitter. It feels like the rays warm your body from the inside. You could stay in this peaceful bliss forever. That is until something brushes up against you. You open your eyes. A black shadow shoots through your body. You lose consciousness and you fall from the sky like the apple that invented gravity.

You wake up in a small dingy basement. It seems someone rescued you from drowning. “You discovered the rift in reality. The shadows want to kill you to stop you from tearing it”. The man stretches out his hands in front of him. In each hand there is a small pill.

“Oh snap! It really is like the matrix!” Your words are greeted with a raised eyebrow and a rather distained stare. You can almost see the words escaping his mouth: “We are not amused”. You want to ask him who’s this “we” but then you realize that he didn’t actually say anything. You just imagined he did. You swallow your smile. At least you were amused, if only for a while. “If you pick the blue pill, you forget everything. The shadows will leave you alone. You’ll be completely ignorant, but happy. If you pick the red, your life will never be the same, but it’ll be real for the first time.”

“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.”

_______________

What if life was like that? What if you had to make a choice today that will stick forever? You can either chase every temporary high, be oblivious, but fairly happy. Or you can walk a difficult path, but a real one, every step of the way.

What would you choose?

John

Four years ago the world changed, you just didn’t realize how much till now. When World War 3 greeted the world with an atomic blast, most countries initiated a lottery system for “recruiting” soldiers. Whenever the numbers were getting low, a computer would magically spit out the names of the new recruits. As if assigning death warrants can really be that simple. A small percentage of the soldiers were volunteers. John is one of the volunteers. When he heard you won the lottery -you lucky idiot- he volunteered without hesitation.

It’s late at night when you and John finally return to base camp after an extensive reconnaissance mission. Completely exhausted your body collapses onto your bunk. You stare at John as he cleans his equipment. He’s smiling. It doesn’t matter what life throws at this man, nothing can get him down. How does he do it? What’s his secret?

The next morning you receive your orders. Your platoon will infiltrate the enemy town in three days. You did the reconnaissance; you know this is a death sentence. You’ve survived many battles with John by your side. But this is something else. After the briefing you sit down with John. You want to remain composed, but you can’t help noticing the pain and concern in his eyes. You were convinced of the level of screwed you found yourself in, but one look in his eyes and your mind goes into the foetal position and starts sucking its invisible thumb. John stands up with new found determination in his eyes “I have to go.”

The next three days you prepare as best you can. Your helmet and face mask does well to hide your tears. Fear consumes your soul and strips you of any strength you might have posessed. Where is John? You need him now. Did he go home? Volunteers can opt out if they wish to do so. You can’t really blame him. It was foolish for him to come in the first place just to help you. You heard a rumour that he requested to leave the army. You didn’t want to believe it. An hour before your convoy leaves, John rushes into your barracks sporting his familiar smile. It comforts your tormented nerves. He sticks some papers in your hand. He salutes you and with pride says: “It has been awesome serving with you.” Before you can realize what’s happening, two soldiers ask you for the papers and they escort you out.

Two days later you’re home intently watching CNN. Somehow John managed to swap your records. Now he’s the unlucky lotto guy and you’re the volunteer who bailed. Tears well in your eyes and your throat chokes up when you think about it. The news isn’t good. The next day you receive confirmation of his death. Your painful heart struggles to keep you alive. It doesn’t really want to beat anymore. You remember his smile and you crumble onto the floor.

What now?

In eleven years you’ll stand on the deck of a warship. The sun will set behind you and three thousand men will stand in front of you. You will tell them about John. You will tell them that he sacrificed his life so that you could live. You will tell them that he didn’t die in vain. You will become a key commander in the war. Eventually you will strike the final blow.

You'd better pick yourself up from the floor and start working on that!

___________________

When you’re broken and you ask, now what? Know that there is an answer.
And if someone sacrificed something for you, get up off the floor and make it count.

Someone

You’re sitting in your bathtub with a razor blade in your hand. The water is cold. It doesn’t matter. You stare at your wrist. This is the moment where you're suppose to cry, but you don't. You’re too damn indifferent. Just cry, or scream, even laugh… just do something! Grace the world with some indication that you were alive before you died. But you don’t want to. There is nothing to be alive for.

You think about your life, as people in these situations often do. You tried, you really did. Nothing you did removed the cold black loneliness that is suffocating your soul. Every day is a struggle to the end. The mornings are the worst. You have to fight the depression just to get up. And when you do get up, you sit at the foot of your bed and cry for a while. While you cry, your soul becomes deadly ill. The strong voice that you heard as a child fainted into a distant whisper over the years. Your heart has been replaced by a sinister abomination. As you cry it pumps poison through your veins. Your breathing becomes shallow and your body starts to quiver. You become deathly anxious, suffocating in the harsh reality: You are alone. Completely alone. Not just in this moment, but in life.

You drag the blade through your skin. As the water turns red you smile. It’s been a while since you smiled. You close your eyes and wonder why no one saved you. The nameless faces that walked past you every day… why didn’t they say something. Why didn’t they save you? As your mind slips away you wonder:

“Why didn’t I say something… Why didn’t I save someone?”

_________

You might feel your problem is unique, and in many respects it might be. But there are people out there who suffer the same pain you do. Just like you, they need someone.

You can be that someone.

Why are you afraid?

A little girl is trapped inside a burning building. She would scream if she thought anyone could hear her. Instead, she cries over the things that she will miss. Playing with her dog, running through the leaves, holding her mother… She wonders how much her mother will miss her. A wooden beam blazing with fire falls next to her. She huddles into the corner. She doesn’t want to die.

A massive axe smashes its way through a wall. Followed by a fireman. To the little girl, this is no mere man. He is an angel sent from God to save her. Calmly he walks over to her. He throws a special blanket around her and picks her up in his safe arms. The little girl stares into his blissfully calm eyes. The raging fire and crumbling building fails to make the slightest of impressions on this man. He smiles at her “Why are you afraid?” With those simple words her raging heart settles into blissful peace. There is nothing to fear anymore.

Confidently he walks out, not bothered by the flames wrapping around his waist. She can see the fire flickering next to her face, but it doesn’t matter. She just stares at him. He’s still smiling. Now and then he looks down at her, and she smiles. In all of this horror, in the fire and carnage… she smiles.

She isn’t surprised when they make it outside. Her faith in this man is unbreakable. He hands her to a paramedic and calmly walks back into the fire.

We all need someone that will be there for us in our darkest hour asking us “Why are you afraid?”