She closes the door behind her and drops her bag on the floor. Her shoulders tell how defeated she is and her face reveals that she’s been crying. She falls down on her bed. Emptiness fills her chest and fear creeps in. She picks up the phone; she can’t be alone right now. Twenty minutes later her best friend knocks on her door. He walks in and holds her tight. Her pain fades into something she can manage. They sit down and she tells him the story behind her tears. Quietly he thinks for a while. “I think I can help. I need to go do something.” He smiles then gets up to leave. “Please don’t go, I just don’t want to be alone right now.” Her words aren’t enough to keep him there. He leaves. She sinks her head in her hands as the pain flares up again.
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Despite the boyish profile picture, I am a man… I even have facial hair now :) One of the problems men have is we are problem solvers. I see something that’s broken and I want to fix it. By doing so, I’m not listening to the person, but to the problem. Instead of empathizing, I’m formulating a plan.
When someone fixes their own problem, they gain strength and confidence. We shouldn’t take that away. Most people can solve their own problems; we just need to hold them when they feel they can’t.
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Despite the boyish profile picture, I am a man… I even have facial hair now :) One of the problems men have is we are problem solvers. I see something that’s broken and I want to fix it. By doing so, I’m not listening to the person, but to the problem. Instead of empathizing, I’m formulating a plan.
When someone fixes their own problem, they gain strength and confidence. We shouldn’t take that away. Most people can solve their own problems; we just need to hold them when they feel they can’t.
When I am in pain, I feel like I'm alone. A shoulder to cry on is all I need to make things seem better. Having a loyal friend by my side is what helps me get through the pain. But solving the problem is my responsibility, and that makes me stronger.
ReplyDeletenow you know things not many do... a hug, an ear, some soothing words over a shared pizza. works miracles in my eyes... don't ever stop thinking, writing and being louis!
ReplyDeleteYou are correct that you should let people solve their own problems. Too many people rely on someone else to offer advice and help them find the solutions to their problems and then they feel as though they need a crutch to lean on.
ReplyDeleteoh how i wish every man knew this, it really can be that simple...in this grey world we live in, not all see the black and white of simplictic gestures 'fixing' the problem. Two ears and one mouth for twice the listening and half the talking... wise beyond your years with a kind heart, your mother must be very proud! :)
ReplyDelete"When someone fixes their own problem, they gain strength and confidence. We shouldn’t take that away. Most people can solve their own problems; we just need to hold them when they feel they can’t."
ReplyDeleteTruer words have never been spoken my friend & I thank you for holding me from afar when I felt like I couldn't solve my problems :) (((Hugs))))
Just last night I had my best friend over the phone to console me because of my endless problems with friends. I realized that he is the only truest friend I had and that I am already satisfied having him than having many others. He's a special one. For one reason, he is also my boyfriend.^^,)
ReplyDeleteI am glad that he is like no other men who would only listen but not empathize. This is probably one of my few blessings in life that I am proud to have. And he makes me feel like I wouldn't need any other friends but him. After all, friends are like four-leaf clovers, lucky to have but hard to find.
Listening is an amazing gift. But I don't discount the "problem solvers" of the world, sometimes it can be wonderful to have someone with a solid head when others are bouncing in the wind.
ReplyDeleteHey Louis, great post! And I love Kay and Clarity's comments. Even though I'm a woman and usually men have the reputation for being problem solvers, I find myself being like that often as well. I will try to remember why we have 2 ears and 1 mouth more often.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I came across your blog Louis. Keep up the great work!
Louis!
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure I agree with you entirely.
Of course people should solve their own problems but that's not always possible.
Family/friends/partners should be there for support but what's wrong with having them take part in the "fixing" process when necessary?
Sometimes you just can't do it alone.
-Dean
very true..solutions lie within...but sometimes we need someone to show us the way!
ReplyDeleteJust popped over from...Ha ha, not sure where but glad I did...please pop by the respite some time. I think you'll like it.
ReplyDeletemuch love
WOW! Ur the FIRST man I've EVER actually HEARD say that they get that! INCREDIBLE! If u are with a lady love, she is very lucky!!!
ReplyDelete-and ur piece was perfectly written! But- I expect nothing less from you! :)
Good observation. We don't always need to fix things, but just listen and support those that we love. :O)
ReplyDeletedear louise, i have told you many times that you are wiser beyond your years. most of the time women want a man to "really" listen to the "words" they're saying, to be held, to know someone cares ...
ReplyDeleteblue eyes smiling through the rain,
These are some of the truest and wisest words I've read. And, even though I'm a woman, I've been on the "fixer" end of things many times. I'm definitely going to keep the words you've written in mind in the future. And the story you opened the post with illustrates your point beautifully.
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS SO MUCH GOOD =D!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes holding is all we can do when there are no easy answers.
ReplyDeleteLouis, this is a very interesting post with a deep perspicacity. It made me think of both my brothers, and my father too - always wanting to resolve the problem... but there is something so beautiful and healing in that too...
ReplyDelete